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| "Bob, you couldn't handle one bitch like that, man, you know "Heh, you think those two chicks from last night--you know, think maybe they'll like be there and shit?" Bob asked " I faded A little Bad Company " I wanted to laugh my ass off "I don't know, you know "Heh, man, what's your problem?" I asked, again, turning down Jimmy Page's wild guitar Man, you're makin' no fuckin' sense Okay It was never nothing serious, of course Bob may have had the biggest dick on any white guy in the city but he was totally shy around women "What I mean, man, is I still know a lot of girls from high school and shit and, you know, some of them are divorced or never got married or nothing and, you know, if you wanna "Are you nuts?" "I don't know," he replied after a moment or two and looked straight ahead "I mean, how big is Bob, for crying out loud?" "How big is it?" Judy called out to Bob Fuck "Yeah, but my friend said you guys were like real friendly with them "Gone to the doctor, man?" I asked "Sure would, man," I played along, fluffed up my long hair in the back and tenderly put my green and gold cap on I watched Tina struggling trying not to look over at Bob She'd probably gotten a bad rap as a slut in high school and then had to settle for old Bob "Don't you get enough at home?" she teased " "What the fuck are you saying?" "I'm saying maybe my sperm needs to mix a little with someone else and everything'll be okay and shit with Judy They'd have a heart-attack " The video started, some standard garbage Friday night As it continued, the two of them were laughing less and less and watching with more and more intensity, until finally the big orgy scene began where the neighbors fucked each others' wives I nodded, instead "What are you doing?" I growled at her as she started putting the tape in the VCR " He laughed and threw a boot at me "You gonna head to Toaster's for a cold one, eh?" he asked, putting his towel away The two of them stared at me I turned on the radio and smiled That was enough Unlike the blond Judy, Tina was a brunette, taller, with a lot more meat on her God " I encouraged him "Bob, I know's too honest to do nothing crazy like that Judy fucked it all up And, yeah, sure he liked his wife Judy, sometimes Fuckin' eh This was too much, but I didn't want to hurt the idiot's feelings Bob nodded, getting into the driver's seat, acting like I wasn't even there, and started the engine "Heh!" me and Bob yelled out in unison I wasn't shy around chicks " "Well, Bob, I mean, like what's your main, you know, issue and shit, man? Is it you wanna get laid or you want your wife pregnant?" I asked " "It's all them dirty magazines at work, Tina," Judy laughed That game, four years ago, when the Packers won the whole damn thing, that was one for the ages Bob had a big dick, nearly six inches soft "Don't you wanna come in?" I asked That's why Bob liked me Tina and Judy immediately started laughing The white Ranger looked like Judy's Fuck We drove in silence I turned back to the girls Bob liked his Harley, the Green Bay Packers, his F-150, dear hunting season and fishing, in that order I moved away and the thing landed with a loud thump on the floor "They're kind of connected, you know," he said softly Judy had an abortion in high school Fuckin' eh "So did you guys go to Toaster's tonight?" Bob nodded He turned away I always envied Bob he got to nail her on a regular basis What was it? About ten inches hard, honey?" Bob stood up, beet red " "Well, dude, it could be her, you know It had taken about six months for me and him to become good friends after we'd started at the company fuck I smiled The green and gold had a lot to prove because they'd not made the playoffs the year before and we were sure they could pull it off this year His face was set and I could see he was really pissed off A Ranger was in the front along with my wife's Mustang Shit "It was just starting to get interesting," Judy smiled "I got it," she smiled at us, standing up holding a glossy-covered box with some naked women on it She's fine," he said softly I looked over from my locker to see Bob grinning stupidly at me "Fuck," Bob laughed, taking off his T-shirt and revealing his slight pouch of a gut No reason pushing the guy The truck jerked forward on the green and rolled along "Here," Tina said, her laughter continuing "Don't be an ass," Tina waived me away Bob was a lot less meticulous in his combing " "Those are my tapes," I whined, standing up "I told you Bob's got a big one "God," Tina murmured "It gets `em all hot and horny, you know "No, man "That's right, Andy," Judy laughed Tina gasped when the neighbor pulled down his pants and the housewife started sucking him to an erection " And it went on from there: the scene where the housewife got nailed by the meter- man, the scene where the housewife got it on with the next-door neighbor's wife, and the scene where the husband nailed his secretary at work and so forth Cool "What do you mean, man?" "Fuck," he blurted The housewife screamed "Well," Tina started again "This is the sort of stuff you guys dream about and I think it's just ridiculous I looked over at Bob and saw he was flushed, his pants lewdly lumped with excitement Probably straps and gears and shit And her ass The girls were keen on the idea It was too fuckin' weird " "What do you mean man?" he asked In high school, a guy had to be the biggest nerd or the fattest turd in the world not to get some I don't know," I said and started combing my thinning blond hair carefully, feathering it on either side of my part down the middle I slowly bobbed my head to the tough bass Bob turned down the volume and I looked at him "Christ Poor Bob You guys still fool around too much without your wives "Why'd you do that?" Tina asked genuinely upset I turned to Bob who was watching me Sometimes a person's down and that was cool My Friday night routine was to play a little pool, shoot a little darts, have a pitcher or two of Miller Draft and head home to the wife and kids And instead of coming home and taking care of things with their wives, they go to the bar and pretend they're still like in high school She took the remote and turned off the game in the middle of a long pass by Brett Favre He put it into gear and we were off "How big's Andy's dick?" Judy asked suddenly, turning to Tina He was pretty shy generally Nothing like `Black Dog "Alright," I interrupted Me and Bob have never cheated on our wives I turned to him I turned away, wanting to wretch But a real pussy hound like you, Andy, you could lead him on the wrong path "Come on, Bob I turned away Sure it was nice "You don't think they were married or nothing, you know? You know, you don't think like they were lying or shit?" he asked standing up and combing his dark, thick hair "I haven't seen one of these in a long time After a couple of pitchers of beer, four games of pool (I won three), a couple of games of darts (I won both), three hours later, Bob and I decided to head out and call it a night "And, you know, Judy told me once that she really got interested in me in the first place `cuz my sister told her she'd seen me naked and I had big dick "Yeah Bob, sure you got a big dick and everything, but God wasn't too kind to you upstairs, if you know what I mean, and that ugly mug of yours It felt good " Judy clasped and unclasped her hands and looked around, agitated, almost rocking herself, as we were all given a close-up of the erection becoming complete Everything cool?" "Yeah, man, sure That's bullshit, man, you know I don't want you going there no more For my enjoyment or when the girls weren't around for me and Bob if he happened to be over We got off the freeway in silence Tina was standing up shaking her full round ass in the air and walking to the videotape box " I smiled at Tina "I mean, it's such a joke," Tina said, taking the baton from Judy Still, I was pretty sure I knew what was wrong Why don't we watch the Packers-New England Super Bowl Fuck Like I would ever fuck around on her "Fuck them, man," he spat out "Show Tina that big dick of yours "It always gets the job done," I smirked and then felt awful right after I said it "Christ, Bob's got a bigger one and I'm still walking," Judy blurted and Tina froze Fuck " We were silent again and the truck stopped at another light "Why do you think I married him?" she tried to laugh Both of them loved the Packers almost as much as Bob and me "Check this out and tell me I can't handle them two in that picture, there?" I glanced down and Bob was grabbing himself and shaking the fuckin' python "Let's get something straight, girls We just liked to flirt and shit A little Led Zeppelin "I think we should be going, Judy," he said softly " The two of them laughed He swallowed and I could see he was sweating I'm offering the jerk-off some pretty quality pussy and he's acting like some fuckin' priest She was great in the sack I continued undressing and heard him heading for the shower " "'Cuz, you know, I don't want to mess around with another guy's wife, you know He didn't know better I turned off the tape Those were private Sweet Bob was a little dull I loved her You wanna divorce Judy?" I asked surprised He was putting his boots on and was blushing like crazy "Those chicks--" I began She blushed, embarrassed she'd been talking to Judy about something personal like that " I turned to poor Bob Nice " Bob paled visibly I handed the magazine back to Bob "Yeah, Bob," Judy grinned "Sure," I nodded and put my underwear on I was breathing heavily I'm not saying that, man "Sure, man," I lied "What would you do with two girls like that? Fuck " "It's the pictures with the two women that get them really crazy," Tina said, before I could tell them I was cutting them off from the booze "Ya wanna know something?" I nodded I gotta see this thing I felt bad for him Look at those fake tits I cherished my tape, and I knew it would cheer up good old Bob You might be okay," I said, trying to be hopeful " "Yeah, man What if he tells me I'm sterile and shit?" "Yeah, but Judy's not gone neither, right?" "I don't think so But things started getting clear now "You know, Bob," I said at the stop light at the end of the off-ramp "Friend of mine said she saw you guys there yesterday with a couple of bimbos "No fuckin' way, dude," he snapped Tina got our girls to sleep at about 10:00 and I ordered some pizza "I feel sorry for her I turned the volume on the radio again Because my Blazer was in the shop, I walked with Bob to his '99 F-150 "Sure man," he replied sounding tired " "Yeah, I know, Bob "Oh my God," Judy laughed "Well," Tina grinned at me, "let's say for argument's sake, you're telling the truth Judy made everyone pretty obnoxious I stood up, adjusting myself a little and took the controller from Tina " Christ Maybe if I was with some other chick, maybe it would be, you know, like different All you had to do was get them drunk and bing "I appreciate the ride today," I said, getting into the truck The greasy pizza and the cold beer seemed to relax everybody and we were in a real good mood at the end of the first quarter What could be better, you know? Still, the foreman told us we couldn't take no more magazines off the press "Sure, man A little Allman Brothers never hurt Gets the job done? Shit I turned to Judy and Tina and saw they were both smiling " "Don't be a shit-head, man "I've only been with one lady, you know, my whole life, man Judy had just finished her third beer and grinned at me and Bob I opened the door I looked at Bob, who had stopped chewing on a mouthful of pizza Judy and Tina were pretty good friends "Can you imagine these potbellies trying to take on two of them porno types at the same time Crazy old Bob He shook his head, stopping at a red light "Look at that thing," Tina mumbled "Yeah, why do you guys get all going with that two women thing when ya can't even take care of things on the home front?" Judy continued where Tina left off They were pissed at us for flirting with the two bimbos and now they were going to bust our chops a little I was just wondering " I looked at Bob who was looking straight ahead at the TV "Maybe, man," he whispered He turned back to the road and we got on the on-ramp for the freeway God, life was good " "Sure, I think maybe we bought them a drink or something, you know, just to be like gentlemen The big neighbor bent over the housewife and shoved his cock in from behind with very little warning Weekend and the Packers' in a critical conference game on Sunday "Yeah," he nodded I stopped snickering inside I feel kind of weird seeing Judy right now after, you know, everything we talked about "Come on," he laughed That fuckin' monster dick and this guy's only fucked his wife? Jesus He shook his head sadly and then after a long silence he turned to me quickly and I thought the fucker would start crying The husband had the neighbor's wife on her back on a couch next to them and was struggling to get his semi-erect dick inside her I looked down at the picture of the guy with a horse dick being held by two fake-titted bimbos Now, I understood And because Screw was the one dirty magazine the company printed, we were told almost weekly to not steal them " "Which one?" Judy laughed "Settle for old Bob?" Fuck, come on, man, don't be such an asshole "Nice, eh?" he smiled "Sure," Judy breathed Bob liked to show off And I sure as hell didn't wanna watch them with Tina and Judy and Bob at the same time " "Bob, man That was Bob "They might be there, man "I don' wanna go to no doctor, Andy This should be fun "Going my ass " Tina looked up at me, sort of shrugged and said "I think we've had enough, don't you?" I replied "Well, I think we're all kind of tired and maybe we should call it a night Not the closest, but not too bad, mostly on account of me and Bob hanging out so much She continued smiling I groaned inside What the fuck was wrong with her? Normally, she was pretty quiet, but when she got around Judy she became just as obnoxious In fact, he liked pretty much everything I liked, except my wife, Tina, and my two little girls were first on my list Bob was a statue of silence, but that didn't stop Judy Ten minutes later, Bob turned onto my street And, yeah, we both loved our jobs, press-men for a mid-sized printer run by this crazy guy who sometimes came onto the factory floor riding an elephant "I don't know, man I put my Levi's on, buckled up and grabbed my green and gold T-shirt "I mean, I met Judy `cuz she was a good friend of my sister's, you know," he quivered I grabbed a beer and was about to tell them to go fuck themselves when the pizza- delivery guy saved my ass "Bob's dick is bigger than this guy's?" Tina whispered in astonishment after a moment I looked at my wife "You're gonna get in real trouble there, Bob," I said walking to him "Man, wouldn't that like be great, you know, to get some of that," Bob grinned She was so petite and pretty "I think I measured it once when we were dating I looked at her confused "Fuck, Judy, do you know how many bimbos go to that place?" I asked They usually brought him out for the grand finale Toaster's was one of the local bars we went to after work to relax after a hard day Five minutes later, we were drying ourselves Come on "I think--" "No," she continued "Yeah," he swallowed his pizza ' I banged my head a little to amuse him, but he said nothing, not even breaking a smile "You know, I just never met no one when I was in high school and shit, you know?" he continued softly Chicks would fuck you at the slightest word " "What the fuck are you talking about, man?" I turned to him Can't a guy buy a lady a drink without the world exploding?" "Not if she ain't his wife," Tina said harshly, glaring at me He looked at me and sort of grimaced "Take a look at this one, Andy," Bob said as he took off his boots He shoved it in his locker and took off his other boot Bob was a good guy "I mean, maybe it's just, you know, the chemistry between me and Judy "I don't know, man I'd seen him in other tapes That would do the trick We were both married and we didn't want to mess that up No biggie "Yeah," Judy laughed "I mean, why the fuck are you two whoring around when you got a beautiful girl like Tina here and Bob's got my tanned ass?" she smirked "No, man "I gotta tell you something, man," he said, his voice breaking I laughed " "Sure?" He was silent and I thought it would be best to leave him alone " "She'll be fine," Judy reassured her She'll be pissed as hell if you don't see or nothing How she took Bob's big schlong I didn't want to think about By 10:30, the four of us were reclining in my living room, laughing as Gil "the Grave Digger" Brown was strutting his stuff when he was announced onto the Super Dome " The two babes didn't show at the bar Bob sat in his seat I grabbed my dick and balls and adjusted them so that they rested just right in the crotch area What a fuckin' knockout " I smiled brightly " Bob face brightened, impressed "You still got a tape?" "Fuck yeah," I said proudly The license plate read `NAST16-9' "Judy must be over," I motioned to the truck "God damn you Andy I know Ain't that so, Bob?" Bob nodded " I stared at my wife Not a fuckin' porno "And, you know, we've been trying to have kids and shit and, you know, fuckin' nothing," he continued, his voice deep with emotion What the fuck? Bob was dying, what? "Man," he swallowed "Heh, man, everything okay, you know?" I asked him "Fuckin' whores, you know "Going? Going?" Tina teased Fuck This was serious Fuck "Go to a fuckin' doctor, Bob, you stupid ass He had good reason We'd been there more than six years since, but It took a while for everyone to sort of settle in " I grinned "It's just a stupid tape," she said, and started bustling through it, looking for something In his right hand he held open the December '00 issue of Screw He turned back to the road, looking straight ahead I didn't want him to do anything crazy like hit Judy or something so I tried to calm he down " He reached down and turned up the radio That's cool "You're pretty normal, don't you think, Andy?" The two of them laughed as I felt the heat rise to my face "If you really wanna get laid, just, you know, let me know "This is what you guys get off on? God, look at this skank " "You wanna get into bed with Tina and start banging out another baby, don't you?" Judy grinned Judy I looked at Bob for support, but he was flushed, staring intently at the first scene of a house wife waving her husband good bye, wearing garters and stockings at the front door " "Bullshit," he snorted and pulled off his underwear She'd gotten off the pill last month in preparation Me and Tina had two girls and were thinking about trying for a boy He turned slightly to me and I could see he was extremely tense "Heh, I got an idea "What do you mean, which one? That poor girl's gonna be torn apart with that thing The guy was huge He said it got over ten inches hard and was thicker than his wife's wrist "Fuck that shit," he grinned and handed me the magazine I never watched the tapes with Tina, mostly I watched them alone, if you know what I mean I was blown away |
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